Ommmm....

Just when I thought I have had it with migraine entries… I get one.

The good news is, my doctor just gave me a clean bill of health. Instead of hypertension, I have reactive hypertension. Meaning my blood pressure spikes with stress. That’s good news?!!

Ah well. I’ll take it over being hypertensive all the time. Just learn how to deal with stress, I guess.

Things have been pretty steady at work. Just wrapping up projects and preparatory stuff for the new fiscal year. Just finished prod work on a video documentary on cubism in Philippine murals. We had Celeste Legaspi do a winner voice-over for the video, which will be shown in the Paris exhibition.

Even though I (predictably) forgot to bring my camera, thank goodness for high tech digital phones.



Ms. Celeste was a real trooper. Her father, National Artist Cesar Legaspi, was one of the foremost Filipino cubist painters. She lent graceful authority to the words by Patrick Flores. No one would think that she had a vicious asthma attack the last week or that her Carpal Tunnel Syndrome was giving her sleepless nights, save for the wrist sling she had on that afternoon.

Luck is most often on my side as I get to work with extremely talented and generous people. Sigh.

But despite that, there are still little things poking at my patience. Which is why I am so looking for a weekend in Puerto Galera.

Kalayaan

Over at Mag.net Katipunan with Liza, Maribel and Soxie, we tried to soak in the blues and talk about random things.

I enjoyed this small coming together despite my being quite unresponsive to the blues. Well, for one, the female vocalists of the Blue Rats were annoying. The instrumentalists were all good (according to Maribel, "can already quit their dayjobs" at the consulates or the banks) but when I think of the blues, I associate it with soul and the poor girls were sorely lacking it and making up with a lot of posturing, shoulder baring and hair tossing. Sabi ko, ako na lang! Manipis din naman ang boses ko... pag sabay-sabay na kami, kakapal din yon! hehehe.

Somehow, I don't really connect with this music... except was the music in "The Commitments", the blues? The Blue Rats were bordering already on the abstract jazz and my overwhelmed ears were already rejecting the complex "blue" notes.

Anyway, I was there for the company. We all were there probably because we don't get to go out as often as we would like to.

The conversation came to my birthday, followed by the greetings and the ominous, "Malaya ka na!" What the...? I should've been free 16 years ago! 

But I do welcome the statement. It tells of how I need to come into my own as an individual and "grow up". Enough of the sheltered sh*t.

Sigh. But when I think of the rent... and my room and creature comforts at home, I balk at the costs of freedom.

When do I get to Kalayaan?  

This is What 34 Looks Like

Without much fuss or fanfare, I was able to celebrate my birthday the way I wanted.

Last year was tough for me. Aside from getting my health scare, I was reeling from the demands of my work. When I would normally be juggling about 4-5 different projects all at the same time, last year I decided to focus on not more than 2 obsessions -- essentially pouring my efforts wholeheartedly rather than diluting them and trying to play it by ear and compromising. 

I guess this is what we do when we grow up. Everyday we choose and live our choices. 

The days pass by and I don't want to realize that I wasn't able to live my life to the best I could, or that I wasted God's blessings, that I have been ungrateful. And although I steer away from guilt or regret, I would like to be fearless once again and feel,believe that I can do everything I want to do.

Sing, dance, act, sleep late, read, read, work like a horse, party and socialize, eat savory food. Without fear. No fear.

So despite the cricks in my neck, I decided to hie it to PETA for a meeting and was touched by a birthday song from the general assembly. Sigh. Later that night, I was asked by a member who my best friend in PETA was and I answered... a lot. I don't have a particular best best friend but I consider most of them close to me. I know the people who are close to me there will have my back covered when I need it and vise versa. I am humbled everytime I work or visit them as here are people who have made their marks in their respective fields, leaders in their own right and with no airs at all. This is the company which had the patience to see me through my awkward phases (which is until now) and are quite okay with it. Oh the places I have seen and the people I have met on the road!

These past few weeks, I have been trying to regain my smile as well. You see, I used to smile a lot. So much that some people found it strange...especially foreigners and other serious-minded individuals. Then, in an attempt to be taken seriously, I became very picky when and where and to whom I would smile to. It doesn't help much that something really earthshaking happened and snatched all the goodwill I reserved for the world. It was a good thing it was only for a moment and I snapped out of it, thanks to a random well-intentioned acquaintance.

So now, I am slowly back to smiling more, laughing (a little) loud --- because if you work for a Japanese office, a giggle is loud enough. I am back to my old silly self and am not afraid not to be taken seriously. At my age, I am no longer afraid to be labeled immature. Kebs.

Meanwhile, there is no slowing down. There are more places to see. Things to learn. People to meet. A love to find.