Gone

Eury's gone. Dead.

My colleague and friend succumbed silently to ,what I can only imagine is, excruciating pain. The reality of the situation still hasn't hit me yet. I still feel as if I can always ask Eury how he feels... how it is like to be dead... as if he's going to answer anytime.

I have not yet cried. I caught myself teary buying lunch yesterday but did not go into crying fits like some of our other friends.

All this in the month of cheer. It is hard to keep one's head afloat amidst all the busy-ness and stress of the holidays --- and to add this kind of grief, is enough for one to lose enthusiasm.

Such a roller-coaster. My demands at work --- the grants program... the office Xmas party which I will host... the projects that I'm handling... the surprises that are sprung up on me by my boss. Tonight I should be doing three things simultaneously: attending Eury's wake, celebrating Evert's visit to the Philippines, and studying for my Nihongo finals.

What do I do?