Cyborg Identity

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Random discovery while monitoring the papers ... and blogs :)

So much information... while browsing the web, I chanced upon David Byrne's (of the Talking Heads)digital journal. Although he's a celebrity from the 80's,I am not fan. I do not even know his songs. Although if it's from the 80's I must have heard it. Anyway, he has this entry about the Philippines when he visited last year to research for his musical about the Marcoses. Anyway, you may read about his blog :

http://journal.davidbyrne.com/2005/12/philippines_mar.html

Still can't get the hang how this works...anyway, it's enlightening reading how foreigners see our culture and our people. Byrne approaches the sights and sounds of Manila openly and without being too superior and above it all. I mean, he biked in Binondo. Quite brave of him.

Opera on a Saturday

Was not able to do most of the things I listed on Friday, except for the derma visit and the baywalk event. I don't know what possessed me to get a facial on a Saturday morning knowing full well I will be mixing with people (not usually bumped into in your local sarisari).

There were two things though, which I didn't list which I got to do.

1. Opera. Although I know my soap from classical, I am no expert when it comes to opera. The tunes are familiar from afternoons listening to 98.7dzfe, testament of my geeky adolescence, but I do not know my Puccini from Wagner.

I had no plans to attend the audition for the Philippine Opera Company's Operanow: Evening of Puccini, but did at the last minute because I kinda like opera and was curious how they conduct these auditions. Good thing I went as I got treated to good renditions (they all sounded good --- well, except for 1, sorry to say) and even met my voice teacher -- who I wasn't able to see anymore as I was busy and the lessons were eating into my budget already.

People like the opera for the spectacle --- rarely does one equate simplicity with a night of opera. But seeing the performances-- audition pieces, bare as it is, without costumes, lights, sets and full orchestra --- was enough for me. I hope I get to watch the show on July. It is kind of expensive but I'm hoping the POC gives our office some complimentary seats. We are sponsors supposedly.

2. 10 minutes at the Terno Au-go-go. I've always liked going to Fort Bonifacio because it is spacious and a bit laid back than the cruising joints in Makati. You'd think I'm a hardened partyphile, but the truth is I am just a middle class stiff wanting some decent social action that does not require a lot of posing.

Three and a half hours at the Baywalk event (2 hours of which were spent waiting for it to start), Ces and I decided to go fetch a copy of Juan Pablo Dream's CD at the Terno Au-go-go concert at the Adidas Camp.

When we got to the venue, we thought there was no concert going on. It was eerily quiet from the parking lot. We had to confirm from the parking attendant if indeed there was something happening (yes, there was, he said and handed us flyers).

It was my first time to walk inside the Adidas Camp, as I had no business to go there on regular days. Adidas stuff are cute but costly. Plus I have had no strenuous physical activity for the past year. Note to self: get physical.

Youth today are really different from my batch. At such events, I remember seeing my generation still being self-conscious, eager to be labeled cool. As a geek, I couldn't ever be cool...but that is a different story. Now the kids seem so blase about things and couldn't care less.

The Terno Au Go Go event was like a high school fair. Wait, it was more laid back than a high school fair, more like a soiree but no games. There were performances but somehow the people were not so centered on the show. Some hundred were seated on the grounds (no monoblocs --- good thing it didnt rain) and the rest were scattered along the premises. Am I glad I am not performing for this crowd. This crowd is too at-home with commercials, distractions and multi-tasking.

Anyway, I got to listen to a song of the Blazing Bulalakaws and that's all. The Juan Pablo Dream CD was still not available and we haven't eaten dinner yet. Off we went. In and out for 10 minutes.

Indie music is kinda exciting but they sound the same to me already. Back at the Baywalk, I caught the performance of the Purple Pumpkins or something and they sounded like the Blazing Bulalakaws.

Finding an Outlet

Another weekend. Still no prospects what to do to make the next two days fun and productive. At least none that does not include some cash outlay.

Equating happiness and productiveness with money is sad and shallow. But honestly, with my limited imagination, that is how I can enjoy.

Consider my plans...

1. Water Spa Resort. Lucky me I got the address and contact numbers of this water spa extravaganza in Quezon City. It boasts of therapeutic jet spurts or something that resembles a massage --- cool and invigorating, or so it says in the article. Cost: Not less that P750. I hope the rate is not an hourly thing!



2. Good old massage at the Danielli Day Spa. At P350, it is guaranteed to melt my stiff muscles and satisfy my craving for touch therapy. I have no bad reviews about this place, except for 2 things: that the shower room is a bit skanky --- try brightening and sprucing the facilities a bit; and that one time I wanted to relax and doze off in the common massage room but was told to move my brown butt (please) as they had another set of customers waiting in line. I have forgiven them that one time, but do not intend to forget.

3. Thai Massage at TonTon. Another find for me. I didn't like dry poking (ooohhh, that just sounds dirty) until I tried the Thai massage. At P300 for an hour, not bad.

4. Facial at the derma. About P550. It's about time for the bimonthly purging of skin impurities and it might cost me more if I decide to get rid of those pesky warts -- as the aethetician told me.

5. Listening to Isha at the Black Soup tonight. The damage is around P350 for specially prepared food and entertainment. Although I wonder, if in my state of mind, I can make it tonight. I have been so lethargic lately... lethargic and fat. No wonder people mistake me for being pregnant.

6. Watch the fashion show at the Baywalk on Saturday. I was invited by my sisters to watch a fashion show which includes products of the store withnoname. The fashion show is free but knowing these outings with the family --- I am bound to spring for dinner and coffee. I have 5 sisters. Do the math.

7. Watch D'Lucky Ones. Heard the movie's funny and would like to be entertained for 2 hours. P150 for a cinema ticket + snacks (about P200). total P350.



As you can see, everything has a price. Last night, just a chat with my mother cost me P3,000. Sigh. My mom had 2 house construction projects and she needed some cash. Pathetic to loan my mother only P3,000. Well, she needed cash right away and that was my available cash.

Mortality on Easter

Well, Happy Easter!

Is the Celestine Prophecy reaching my wavelength or what?

Last night, whilst enjoying a relaxing "art film" and simultaneously reading Lorrie Morris' "Birds of America", I suddenly came across a sentence, too simple and innocent. It went something like..." and then he was seventy." The "he" of this sentence is the narrator's father who was seventy years old and kinda dying and crochety but still like all fathers, still up on their daughters cases.

I dunno what hit me last night, but it was so sobering, it quelled all my enthusiasm for my Korean "art film". I mulled on my father's age. 63. Seven years from 70. Sheesh. And my mom. 61. The thought that my mom and my dad are nearing 70 already depressed me. At that age, my lolo was already a full-fledged lolo --- gray hair and all, with memories of WWII. I couldn't imagine my mom and dad that way.

Thinking about this reminded me how precious my time is with my parents --- anybody, actually -- and that I shouldn't take for granted their company. Saying this, makes me more depressed because I've been a real pain for my mom, being all spoiled and sullen and impatient. Subconsciously (or consciously) acting like a brat will make my mom younger ---since I'm acting like a rebellious 12-year old.

This lead me to thinking also about mortality and how comforting it must be to believe in God and heaven. (Apparently, this topic has preoccupied some bloggers too... I've checked) Which is why my mom --- and the women of our village --- are so active in church. In a couple of years, I will get to my mom's age and I wouldn't want to be approaching God just because I am scared. Although, that is a good motivation. I know some people's motivation is to be in God's good favors for a special someone... I am not telling... anyway, I digress...

I wasn't able to go about the rituals of Lent this long weekend. My days were actually spent relaxing. I got to clean my room (not completely), bond with friends and family, and check out dining places --- some of which were closed :(

Just like the masochistic Catholic school girl that I am, I miss my retreats and sermons. I think I will be checking out the Singles for Christ lectures with my friend this Thursday. Abangan...

Holy Moly, It's Holy Week Already!

Something's way out of whack with my account... I couldn't change the font nor its size... I had this problem when I accessed my account through galleria wifi. Now it's all askew. Help.

Anyways, the holy week is upon us right now. Two days of either unadulterated hedonism (in the beaches of Boracay or Puerto Galera) or boredom (at home). For me, it's the latter.

Although there were some planning by college friends to hie off to a hotel in Makati or something, after getting the quotes (at US$58 each - we're 4!), it'd be better to stay at home and reflect on whatever it is to reflect on.

Today, Monday, is a good start to list down the things I should be seriously considering about:

Cleanliness and Order. For all my hee and hawing, I still haven't started --- yes, started, cleaning up my room. You would think I have a humongous room, but actually it is a box measuring about 6 ft x 6 ft thereabouts. To motivate myself, I bought magazines and a coffee table book on organizing and decorating. Must put them to good use this week.

Cauterization and Orthodontics. I have been remiss from my dental obligations. It has been two years (I think) since my last visit to the dentist. After my root canal with this annoying dentist, I couldn't bear another horrific (and expensive) ordeal at her clinic. And I haven't found any good referrals till now. I hope to get an appointment soon as I need a cleaning and really serious orthodontics for my TMJ.

Also have found out that my fez is a total wart farm, at least that's what the attendants at my derma says. I need to schedule a session with them before the holy week so I can put the 3 days of no-washing-the-face rule for cauterization. Hopefully by the time, I go back to work on Monday, the marks are not that pronounced.

Reflect and Pray. This morning I was so disappointed that the Korean TV series on CD I started to watch yesterday was returned to its rightful owner. That meant I had no new stuff to watch over the holy days. Oh well. Going to Crossing and getting my stash crossed my mind, but better not. God has been very kind to me and my family that I need to spend serious time just being with him. Also, I would like to go back to reading. I hope I don't get tempted by my collection at home because I would like to go back to reading like crazy. As penitence (and diet aid) I say no to cola (coke and all others) for at least this week. We'll see how it goes and hopefully, I get to keep the habit.

Future Adventures. Migrating to a new land is not an act of desperation. It's a new adventure. That is my mantra. If only I can get the right timing...

Vacationing in the City Part 2

I've almost forgotten how it is to walk around the streets of Manila leisurely. Lately, everything that I have done has been for work, my pace brisk and in heels (ouch). Since I've been granted a 1.5 day leave, giving me 3.5 days of weekend glory, I am a recharged bunny today.

My last post was about my Thursday jaunt, with books and a movie on the itinerary. Friday was a semi-relaxed affair as I tried to fit in a lot of personal errands into my schedule. On my to-do list last Friday was:
1. to have my pants altered. (Check! I'm wearing them now.)
2. Schedule a dentist's appointment (Wrong number. I need to see a dentist already. It's been ages...)
3. Have a manicure and pedicure. (check! Cappucino-colored nails, anyone?)
4. Get a haircut. (check! although I should've goine for a more obvious restyling. I swear the Piandre stylist was kinda disappointed I asked him for a regulation bob. How boring.)
5. Loiter in Greenbelt -- okay it was just at National Bookstore. but got to browse lots.
6. Spend girl-bonding time with a friend at Eastwood and got to eat at Heaven n'Eggs. (Check! The place was a bit overrated. The pancakes were regular, nothing special and the dish I wanted, Dear Bacon, Love Eggs, were sold out. Badbadbad. For an all-day breakfast resto, they should know by now that bacon is tops! And the service is sllloooooowwww. We were served our pancakes 30 minutes after we finished our pork chops! How hard is it to prepare pancakes! Out of 5 stars --- 2.
7. Get a massage at Tonton. (Always satisfying!)

The next day, I treated my two sisters, Che & Joy to lunch at Robinson's Galleria. Sampled wi-fi at Gloria Jean's then met up with Cecil at Greenhills.

It's been a long time since I've shopped at Greenhills. I think the last time I was there to shop was two years ago when I got my first British Council paycheck. I kinda went crazy shopping then. No difference now.

Looking back these past 3 days was kinda self-indulgent. I don't want to feel guilty spending money on myself but when you think about it, I should be saving up for my future. Whatever and whenever that is. There are more things more important than a new pair of shoes...but until that time, I'd really like to enjoy myself and the fruits of my labor.

To paraphrase a book I've read ("how to Walk in high Heels), one gets a job to sustain a lifestyle...

thank goodness, for my job!

How I Spent My 1.5 Leave or Enjoying an Urban Escape

When asked by my boss last Wednesdayhow I would be spending my 1.5 days of leave, I vaguely answered that I needed to visit the dentist and get a massage. Thinking of my flippant answer,it seems like a sorry excuse to spend my days off. But really, what I wanted to do was just... nothing.

My friend Lia gets antsy whenever she has free time on her hands.She gets fidgety and lonely. Her days have to be spent doing something... anything! Me on the other hand, relish down time. I look for ways and means to fully enjoy and spend these moments of quiet and calm,with nothing on the agenda. Which is why when she mentioned going to Puerto Galera for the weekend, I (silently,to myself) demurred. Knowing her, she would'nt be satisfied just listening to the waves and taking in the scenery. She will look for activities to occupy her days and nights. While I amjust content vegetating by the shore, hopefully finishing another paperback.

Anyway,I so enjoyed this clearly unplanned opening in my schedule. 3.5 days of weekend bliss. I could've gone to the beach and basted till I needed to bleach myself again, but no. I opted to stay in the city--- near my place work,can you believe it? and actually enjoy doing the mundane things...

Thursday. day.5 I left work after 2 pm and was even a little tempted to stay till 5 pm but it was a good thing that I did not succumb to that. I hied off to Powerbooks Greenbelt where my only intention was to keep occupied till 530,till the time i will meet Jan to watch the movie, Rent.

When I reached Greenbelt, I bumped into Maggie who invited me to join her watch "Rent". What was I todo but defer. I was watching it with a friend later on. Hope I didn't offend her. Oh well, she's a big girl. She can handle it.

When I went to Powerbooks, I was able to turn away from the fiction books, however,when it came to the self-improvement and home improvement books, I was hooked. Damage: P 2,300+. Oh well, at least time went by fast or else I would have spent more.

Saw "Rent" with Jan at Glorietta 4. The movie is definitely better than the Filipino staging I saw at the GSIS. The songs were all so poignant and beautiful. With the Filipino production, I was only able to appreciate the musicality of the play;but with this movie,I was able to bask in the gritty feel of New York bohemia. The Hollywood cast sang all the songs! Even Rosario Dawson! Wow. With the Filipinos singing, I can only notice, "wow, they could sing the song really well... just like the original." But with the movie,I can concentrate on the story, the context, the lyrics. The love story of Tom Collins and Angel is adorable on screen,while Michael de Mesa and Ricci Chan's rendition, though competent,is not up to par. Looking back, Ricci Chan's Angel seems like Michael de Mesa's pet and not a lover. Also the movie made me look at the performance piece in a new way.

The original Broadway play must've been very effective but I liked the movie version as it situated people, like me, who haven't seen New York, and presented me it smells, sights and sounds. That is the magic of moviemaking.

Actually I like this movie, because I rarely watch Hollywood films because of its really idiotic premises. I mean, I watched "Big Momma's House" and I slept through it because of the profound stupidity it presented on screen. I mean, the producers would've done the whole world moregood if they donated the money they put in that movie to third world economies like the Philippines.

Sheesh.

So that was my half day of Freedom. My second day was also bllissful. But moreof that in the following days... am in Gloria Jeans, soaking up their free wifi connection but this laptop's batteries are about to burn out... so with that, I bid adieu.

But really, my vacation was great.

Breathing It In

On occasions of severe tension, and extreme boredom, what is there to do, but breathe.

We all breathe (you're alive, I assume) but oftentimes, we get carried away by the circumstances in our life and just hold our breaths literally for some period of time. Not healthy.

Theater has taught me to rediscover my breathing as it is very essential in posture, delivery of lines, voice and pitch control, beats and what have you. Good breathing facilitates relaxation, the good kind where you are alert and ready for whatever's coming next.

The reason for this entry? 2 reasons. One is that I'm bored. But I have lots of things to do. LOTS. Work demands are getting more and more that even though I am not doing much now, I know, it will only be too sudden for the next project to come.

Another reason is that I have been riding the MRT these past days squooshed against people who smell like wet rags. Aside from having to contend with rudeness (hello, we are all going out, no need to bump me off the train...), I have to breathe in the humanity... ick.

Somebody tell these people to take a bath and put on a fresh change of clothes.

I Need Coffee

I need coffee bad. I am in the throes of sleep already and the more I acknowledge it, the more it becomes realzzzzzzzzzzz..

Ngooorrk, ngorgzzzkkk. Slobber, slobber. My eyes are getting heavy again.

This is from too much work over the weekends. What weekend? Oh right, I had no weekend.

I accompanied the workshop participants of the technical theater workshop last night at the hosted dinner at the Cafe Havana in Greenbelt 3, courtesy of my boss.

I admit I am super lethargic and the only recourse is to go home. Now. Bye.

Hangover

Is it possible to still be hungover after 3 weeks? I think I am. Still hungover. From my puerto galera vacay, my peta weekend, and then this last research visit.

I have raved about my 3-day idyll in Mindoro, which climaxed and denouement-ed (if there ever is a word) in the infamous Mindoro Sling which left me dazed under the stars, surrounded by sand. The drag fags were all so congenial and talented --- grinding to music at the drop of a hat and then quickly carrying a case of beer across the bar!

All I got left of that were photos and a tan that is thankfully fading very quickly, muchas gracias Ysa papaya.

The alcohol really got to me... that I was still reeling about thirsting for more... calling AA!

The following week was dedicated to the PETA Center Inauguration, March 18 to be exact. I think this has been the 3rd time peta has opened, but i think this is the final and ultimate opening.
Until now I cannot get the song, "Panata sa Kalayaan" out of my head. "Hindi ako magkikimi o magtitimpi! Hindi ako papipigil sa takot!!!!" After performing with my PETA friends, I couldn't help feeling a little high... okay, not just a little, a lot! Aided by red wine! Salut!

I performed "Walang Tatangkilik" from "Hatol ng Guhit na Bilog" and I realised, I did the only solo! At the start of the program! Gasp! Anyway, I swung it. Got some claps... BUT, I do enjoy performing with the group! So so so much! Only PETA can do and make ensemble feel like this.

To be surrounded by the greats of Philippine theater, and all so down to earth and unassuming! Sharing the stage with Gardy Labad, Soxie Topacio, Melvin Lee, Ditchay Roxas, Noel Cabangon, Glecy Atienza... and allllllll of my PETA compatriots! I am so proud and humbled by this company.

Above is me making my Liza Minelli impression to the tune of "Silk Sunlight..." with my original Bansot, Phil Noble.

It was a sweet event.

Back to reality and to work. Though not quite, as I escorted around the city's museums and art spaces a Japanese curator. I look forward to these research visits as I learn a lot from these tours. Sometimes, I think my bosses think I'm enjoying myself too much. Oh but well, that's the truth... why hide it, di ba? Meeting all these art people, learning about history and art and Philippine culture in a way that is not taught in our school. I wish these subjects were taught with gusto and abandon as we did when we had these research visits.

A revelation for me was the indigenous artifact called the pubic shield, which for the life of me looked like a rather painful dildo! Made of wood (1 all of six inches, and another puny one like the size of a pinky), I quite don't understand what this contraption is for.... hmmmm.... although, I think it's something like a chastity belt.

Oh the things we retain when long after...

Till next time!

Shrinkage

Two things are definite: death and taxes. I think there were three things, but I forget. These days, I forget easily and the reason is, sometimes it's too hurtful to remember.

Despite my self-actualization, self-help mumbo-jumbo, I think I've become a really mixed up case. I want to be true to myself and care, but for my sanity, I am afraid to. I'm afraid to care that I am angry, that I'm hurt, that I have feelings. I hate it.

I

Craving

I am feeling out of sorts today. If this is my PMS, then it's too late because my red flag is up already.

I want a pizza. I got it. But still I feel empty.

What do I need? WHAT?!

Back from Galera

I'm baaaaacccck! I've just had the most fun vacation since... what? last year? hehehe. From the beach of a thousand jologs... Puerto Galera!

Oh, but lest you misunderstand me, I do not regard P.G. as a haven for jologs anymore... I rather like the unpretentious establishments and laid-back vibe. There so much more poseurs in Boracay.

It was the best and most worthy of my time.

I actually had doubts about Galera because I was not too keen on this place because 1) Bora's beach is so much beautiful, and 2) Galera seemed too boring the first time I went there.

Now, I dunno what changed when I went there this time, but I disproved my earlier assumptions about this place.

As you can see from the photo above, the sky was perfect... believe me the sea and sand was too. And probably since I had no objective but to chill out, this trip was perfect. No pressure to be scintillating company or to be super-fun, or be the object of somebody's well-placed admiration... I was out to just be.

Wonderful.

Che and I commuted to Galera. There were no hitches and we were at the island by 2pm. Enough time to look for accommodations (which we did promptly) and eat lunch (ditto) and relax a bit in our airconditioned rooms and then by the beach.

Our homely room (above) and some scenes along the beach before it rained! (below)

The first night we were there, it rained so we had no choice but to stay inside and watch Pinoy Big Brother. It was Bianca's birthday then... hehehe. I kidded Che that we didn't need to go all the way to Galera to do this --- vege in front of the TV. But well, it was great relaxation and bonding time for us sisters.

The next day, Dodoy and Dotie followed. Did I mention we had a lot of fun? We sunned, people-watched (there were guys (?) who wore skimpy trunks -- one was a white thong and one even took his off to pose for his friends -- que horror!), swam a bit, walked along the shore, ate island fare, read, had a music fix, had a taste of Mindoro nightlife and the Mindoro sling!

More photos will follow, I promise. It's just that this entry is a bit heavy already. Sayonara!

Freebies

Thank goodness for freebies! I remember years ago, gazing longingly at the plush interiors of Dome Cafe, and thinking, "sigh, when will i get to eat in there?" Well, that was a long time ago, and I've eaten a couple of times there but now, I am a guest who did not pay and was personally attended by the manager AND the owner, and I get to take home a gift certificate! How groovy is that?!

I ate the adobo flakes sandwich and ordered dalandan juice to go with it. I like the food (walang masamang tinapay...) and the ambience. Although it was really strange to know that Cecile Zamora is also the owner of Dome. Who would have ever thought our paths would cross this way again?

Flashback 10 years ago when I was walking along Shoppesville in Greenhills, coming from class in my cute culottes. Was on my way to PETA play practice when I heard two snooty voices commenting, "akala naman niya ang ganda-ganda niya...pakang-kang nga!" I kid you not. Those were the very words I heard... and when I turned around to see who it was, found that it was the former child-actor-now-druggie-has-been Dranreb Belleza and Cecile Zamora. Wow. Talk about harassment.

So now, I'm just thinking about the irony of it all. How our karma would link up again and how much Cecile Zamora reminds me of Alanis Morissette. Isn't it ironic? hehehehe

Am slowing down alright. Just tying loose ends of my projects and blogging, reading others blogs... and planning for my leave this Friday as I go on vacation to Puerto Galera! Although that isn't all what I should necessarily do (I could use some puttering around my table since I have lots of scratch paper in my in and out trays already), I couldn't help feeling a bit slow and laid back for today.

Yesterday I hoped that I can do a couple of personal things like clean my bedroom and change my sheets, but alas, they've become backward self-fulfilling prophecies. The least that I could do was wash my face... but did I do that? Noooooo...

I've also wanted to list down my reading list for the summer but I haven't gone to listing it all down yet. Oh well. But there are a lot, I know. sigh...
A partial list ---
1. The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
2. Intimacy by Hanif Kurieshi
3. Portrait in Sepia by Isabel Allende
4. Art & Lies by Jeannette Winterson
5. Tara Road by Maeve Binchy
6. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Meanwhile I still have to finish "Scarlet Feather" page 180-something...

Extracurricular Activities

As project season wraps up, I contemplate some more things I need to do. As if there's not enough backlog in my personal affairs, I am ready again for another round of frustrations.

I need to clean my room. Badly. As in, my skin has itchy dry patches --- probably because of the dust bunnies jumping around. I always remind myself to make friends with the vacuum cleaner and the sweeping implements when I get home everyday... but the call of the extra plump (although already due for a linen change) bed, is just so tempting. Hopefully, I get round to it tonight. That's if I don't act as my cousin's cheerleader in his bid to join the productive workforce. Sigh.

I am due for an honest to goodness facial. It has been months since I've last had the zits purged that I can now feel each and every bump every time I wash my face. That's IF I wash my face... another reason why I should go for a facial --- I hit the sack without scrubbing my mug with soap and water too often because I'm just too tired!

Oh, and my hair totally needs extra care. It is all strawy looking and unkempt. Best to check out WINS TV's J-Makeover. hehehehe. Or not. For fear of looking like a cosplay character everyday! Yikes!

I really want to make reading literature a habit. I have tomes waiting to be read at home that I feel like an absolute fake now that i cannot even keep my eyes open for five pages, let alone read the whole thing. Tomorrow, I will write my reading list... Right now, it is Maeve Binchy's "Scarlet Feather". A novel I started last year but am still trying to finish. Page 160.

Japanese is such a hard language to learn that I feel really guilty for not reviewing what i've learned. I need to devote some time for benkyoshimasu.

I need braces for my teeth. Need to see the dentist... but am actually agonizing over it as I am sure the dentist will find other things wrong with my teeth. Ouch.

I need to write my auntie in Canada and ask her for an invitation. After receiving that invitation... there's no turning back!

Well, those are my to-do list which are like priorities to me... Oh, add to that my plans to take up a graduate course in communication management and my on-again-off-again participation in PETA plays. You know, I'd rather be not part of another children's play again. For now.

Compared to my other friends' concerns, mine seem juvenile. I kid them that I will write their love affairs in this journal, but well, I will not --- completely.

I will just spill that a friend is in an "illicit" relationship with a married man! Gasp! I don't really think much about these things although some would have very strong reactions to having affairs with married guys. As long as it's consensual and both parties are aware that it is not a long-term thing. But my friend is kinda confused... and I'm getting confused with her actions and words since they don't exactly jive.

So much for extracurriculars. Now to word.

Birthday Week

I turned 33 last Wednesday. Turning this age is something that someone like me (single, unattached female) is dreaded -- or the very least, better ignored. In the midst of simultaneous projects, it was easy to set aside the impending middle-age, if I were not reminded so early in the morning.

Don't get me wrong. I have no strong negative feelings towards the mid-30s, only slightly ambivalent just because of the social stigma of "lonely dogs" or "day-old cakes", as females my age and situation are called in Japan.

Actually, I am very thankful with the way things have been going for me so far. Except for the love-life thing, I have been very blessed and continue to be showered with abundant love. It is very tempting to sound like a Hallmark card expressing gratitude and plenty, but at my current state, I guess, that pretty much sums where I am right now.

My work has been exciting, fulfilling and rewarding (save for many instances of "why am I doing this?! moments). I am blessed with friends and loving family members. My future is filled with promising possibilities.

Just to document what has happened this past week, allow me to enumerate:
1. March 1 - We had an office lunch at the Tempura Japanese Grill courtesy of my bosses. We celebrated a colleague's passing of the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, but then was also acknowledged as the day's celebrant. Amidst talks of Chinese horoscopes and blood type personalities, tasting wasabi ice cream, it was professional camaraderie at best. Towards the end of the workday, I hied off to the next building to hear mass (since it was my birthday and also Ash Wednesday). After which I went with my senior to go to Shangrila to monitor the exhibits. Was treated to pasta at Figaro!

2. March 2 - I dont remember anything exceptional happening this day. hehehe. Same old same old. Oh! although I was rewarded by my boss for my hard work at this latest office project --- a trip to Singapore to its international arts festival in June!

3. March 3 - Met my college buddies for lunch at Teriyaki Boy. Had a blast talking about the 90s and friendships that lasted and busted. Went to see a PETA play, "Pinoy Wannabes" in the evening with my other college friend. It was a collection of bittersweet one-act ditties which explored the Filipino diaspora. It posed a lot of questions and insights on identity and commitment, conviction to ideals and compromises. but did this stop me from thinking about my plans to migrate to Canada? Nope.

4. March 4 - Played godmother to the hilt as I dressed my niece in one of our gowns for their play, "Rapunzel". Went to meet my lovelorn friends in Gateway. Moped and analyzed their love lives and extramarital relationships (of their significant others). Labored for (i hope) the last time for this exhibit at the shangrila mall.

5. March 5 - Lunch at the Dampa sa Libis with the family and relatives. Not as satisfying as the fare at the paluto at Macapagal Boulevard but generally okay. Had coffee with sisters and cousin at Starbucks in Megamall where we discussed spa business and Puerto Galera and Canada plans.

Guess who's Kawa-ii and who's Sexy. Me and Fuko-san at the lobby of the Makati City Garden.  

My patient :) who looks as if his hand is not placed on my butt. Nice.  

Time for a Break

The time just came and went. We were so busy that there was nary a time to sit down and even think. This year's February is a month of exhaustion and exasperation. I was not only physically tired but my mind was weary as well.
Time for a break.

Well now that it's all over (at least until April or May --- thereabouts), I can now breathe freely and blog. There have been things that I've kept off from doing, like going to the dentist to have a much needed dental check-up.

So what have I been up to these past few weeks? A lot.

To celebrate J-Pop and all things kawa-iiiiii!!!!, we had a Japanese culture fiesta, a film festival, not just one - but two, exhibits, a formal opening and a pop-rock concert. All of that in the span of a week. Needless to say, the first 4 activities had its own travails from diva-ish 'artistes' to chatty contractors, onnas in anguish, demanding barkers, overeager helpers... and so much more! I'm just so happy I'm through with that experience.

But before I can even put up my feet to rest my bunions, we had a visit from the Japanese pop/rock group, Core of Soul.

After they arrived, it was work, work, work. Their first night in Manila, just some a couple of hours checking in, we (with me, of course, as designated groupie) went to their rehearsal session with Barbie. The session went well adn fast... as Kitchie wasn't there to really accomplish a lot. It was well and good that this was the case because they needed the rest anyway. So after pizza and cola, day 1 was through.

The following day seemed complicated on paper... but actually only consisted of a radio visit and technical meetings. But in between those activities was a spate of tension and uneasiness. The day before the concert, a big rally broke out and the word "coup d'etat" was bandied around. Add to that the nitty gritty details of the concert eating me up, and that made me one frazzled gofer.

After the long technical and security meeting we had at the Shangri-La, we rushed Mr. Shimohara, the stage manager to the hospital. It was a good thing that the Medical City was very accessible. Quick and clean. All this time, even after giving him medicine for lbm, he was in pain... poor boy. If there's anything which could melt my frozen heart fast, it's a man in pain. sigh. My boss and I took him to the hospital and tried to help him get a diagnosis. After 3 hours, we found out that he has amoebiasis -- contracted perhaps from Indonesia... not from the Philippines.

Day of the Concert started intriguingly quiet. Probably because of the unstable political situtation... but nevermind. It almost suddenly just picked up to a hurried frenzy. My hair was awry and I was all sweaty. Under normal circumstances, i wouldn't want to be in contact, much less within 12 inches from members of the opposite sex that day. i felt yucky and just plain plain. Wasn't it just perfect for lunch with the technical boys? Well, they thought so. Need I mention that the tech boys were way kawa-iii than the male performers? And you know, they thought I was too ;-) hehehehe.

So much for little consolations... The concert was a success! that's the best part! After all the sacrifices... it worked well. The audience loved them and their Filipino counterparts, they bonded with the Filipino artists, and the Japan Foundation was happy. Everybody happy.

We had after-concert party with the group and kampai. High spirits all around :) despite the respect from the cute techies ("bumpy-san, i respect you so much... thank you...") i just had to retire for the night, ay, day pala... at the shangri-la hotel... wooohoooo!!! booked two rooms initially for cos' use but since they went to their respective rooms at the city garden makati --- i had full use of the shang and buffet breakfast!!!! Lovely :)

The members of the group were so down to earth and naturally polite. It was a pleasure being their groupie for the week. Fuko-san was very sweet and bubbly. She's so unaffected --- or seems like it. she carries it so well. Her voice is also very sweet, despite being a smoker. They all are heavy smokers!

The following day, I accompanied the group to intramuros to look at the sights (they got to see two weddings!-- not particularly unusual since it was a sunday), then escorted the shoppers to the "fake market" in Greenhills, where they excitedly bought Louis Vuitton and Rolex knock-off watches... those were Kei and Song.

Then we had dinner aboard a yacht, where I met a Barbara's waiter who recognized me from the NCCA. It was groovy. so calming after all the madness.

< manila's baywalk view from the yacht

Ahhh... if only our cure patient was there... oh well, he was probably working and communicating with their counterparts in the following stop. taihendesne...

that night on the Tennessee Walker was refreshing as i go to talk to Song a bit and chill out with nothing in the agenda. Fuko even acted atypically Japanese as she went onstage and presented to sing not just one, but two songs! The passengers had no idea who she was, and that was the charm in the experience.

< The percussionist unwinding.

Fuko-san treating the audience to Eric Clapton's "Wonderful

Tonight" >

After the floating dinner, we brought them to Sanctuario, a Filipino spa where they got serious pampering. My boss asked me if I wanted to get one as he will treat me... heheheh. it was too tempting but i had to decline. i am on duty, after all.

I need to go exercising or at least some kind of body discipline. I am fast losing my posture. I see that from pictures taken lately. Also would need to drink my daily dose of vitamins and stay away from caffeine... i look like my age already. not bagay to someone so kawa-iii :)

So that's it for February. The group has left the Philippines and already meeting their Shanghai groupies... I hope they enjoyed their stay.

Realization

Time creeps up on you and surprises you at the last moment. What could be the world to you, may just be a memory in a gasp.

Like when a friend broke with a boyfriend, then found a new love, and then kinda cooled off with her new beau, in a matter of months... When this project we've been obsessing about for months finally gets shelved... Sigh. The impermanence of it all.

One thing I'm enjoying right now is sleep. I've somehow been sleeping earlier (probably because I'm too pooped to stay up and watch TV) and then waking earlier. Result: Have been early to work this past week --- oh, except for the one day I arrived late because I had to do overtime at work. Goody.

Things I would like to make a habit of:

1. Clean and organize my room and things. I bought another "how to organize stuff" book --- again. Hopefully, I get to apply this soon. Lately, I just wake up in the morning unwashed from the last day's grime. hehehe. Breakout galore.
2. Cook at least one day a week and then plan the weekly menu for the house. Nesting, hmmmm?
3. Read, read, read. And not just magazines.
4. Save. R-Vat is a pain. Damn the president and her minions!
5. Pray. Give thanks and praise where it is due :)

Blink

I've been reading this book, "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell and although the cases he's presented were all interesting, it is not as impressive as his first book, "The Tipping Point."

It has been a month and I haven't finished this book, which is hundreds of pages short than my usual reading fare --- uh, okay, twenty years ago. But still, it is not as engrossing as the other books I've devoured.

It actually left me confused as to what he was saying. First saying that first impressions, or else, first feelings count. And that sometimes when we analyze things, we negate our preliminary thought about a thing or person, so we make mistakes even though we've thought about our decisions or choices two, three, many times over.

Okay fine. That's good. I can see his point. I mean, during written multiple choice tests, when faced with a problem that I don't know the problem, most often, the right answers were those I've answered without necessarily thinking about it so much. It's when I try to analyze it then it all gets muddled up and I pick the wrong answer anyway.

But then Gladwell says, and this is the confusing part, that we are forever thin-slicing our impressions --- that we make mega-fast analyses based on our experiences everytime. But that doesn't make our choices infallible. So then, what?!!

For me, I want to hone my bullshit radar. And i do that by honing my impressions of situations and people the first time I encounter them. I thought that reading this book will help me with that, or at least explain these thought processes. I am disappointed because it seems that I am not the good judge of character or personality that I fancy me to be.

I say, this book of Gladwell's is an entertaining study in overanalysis. Now, saying that, I may be wrong --- or not.

A Shot at the Big Time

Goody for freebies! Last Tuesday, I was treated to the premiere of "Big Time", an independent full-length movie starring my friend, Nor Domingo. I have Liza to thank for making me her date that night and giving me an enjoyable respite from all-consuming work.

That's Nor and Liza beside the banner outside the Cinema 1 of SM Megamall. The photo was taken after the screening when the crowds thinned because the preem was a hit!

The story is about the (not-so) common lives of what could easily have been caricatures of Filipino stereotypes, and their various takes on what it is to hig big time. There were the bungling petty conmen (Nor and this other guy, who usually acts in soft porn movies --- but he is rather good here. No butt baring or anything of that sort); the starlet wannabe; the commanding big time crook; and the black sheep son. They all fit the stereotype but fortunately the actors added a distinctly personal flacor to their characterizations. The con men were so detailed in their modus operandi yet because they just weren't lucky enough, got into these really weird situations. I loved the scene wherein the small time crooks launched a sari-sari store heist. The plan was very elaborate complete with action figures yet when they made inventory of their loot, it amounted to P450 something. That and a garapon-full of Chocnut. Oh and the part where they kidnapped a dog (complete with clown costume and balloons) but ended up accidentally killing the poor puppy. Oh and when they issue these ransom letters with the word "negotiable" on it. Hahahaha! You gotta love it.

The actors were all good. Even the vacuous token pretty girl who wanted to be the "artista" was so engaging, it wasn't hard to root for her. Actually, this movie is amazing in that you actually end up rooting for them to succeed--- whether they be the good character or the bad. I mean, who would think a well-groomed man with a barely concealed fratman twang can be a common thug collecting tong from Tondo towns? And that, you wish he gets his due?

I am a fan and and I hope the people in this movie, on and off cam, hit it BIG TIME!

Gay Night... Gone

It really seemed like a promising evening last Saturday. We had a full night to dawn itinerary for our visiting Japanese academicians to experience and explore the Philippines' gay life.
Rei, who along with his co-editor Roel, programmed an exciting tour of Manila's pink underside, bringing their experiences as editor of a Filipino gay magazine to good use.

The plan was to be from tame to wild. As token wholesome guide, I initiated a tour first to a transgender show to Club Mwah, a theater club similar to that of the Amazing Theater but a noticeable lack of Koreans in the audience and I think more manageable entrance fees. After that, we were to go to Malate, hub of Filipino gay-ness. We had arrangements to meet the owner/ manager of Bed Bar --- I love saying, "Are you going to Bed with us?" hehehehe--- a popular upscale gay pick-up place. After Bed Bar, we were to go see the Pride Exchange and Top and Bottom stores to see gay merchandise. After that, it was Library, where although not a totally gay place, is lorded over by gay hosts. We wanted to present a whole spectrum of the gay lifestyle to our guests. And then, finally, the piece d'resistance, a trip to the gay bar where "live" shows may be seen.

I was looking forward to the whole experience but I think the guests had enough already by 12midnight. Can't blame them though. They plane from Japan just arrived at 6:30 pm that day and it was already "showtime" for them.

Oh well...

All the Rage

I have been the pariah of the household this week as I have again unleashed my emotions. My family has a hard time dealing with my rage fits or as I call them, tantrums. I have since then cooled down, after all the whole thing happened Sunday, but the sisters and my mom won't let me live it down. Just thinking about me gets me boiling again so I won't dwell on it any longer.

Still busy at work. Have lots of stuff to do and little time to meet cute guys. The cute guy I've seen was a performer from the visiting Japanese group and we didn't interact at all, much less talk. The only acknowledgment I got from him (and his other groupmates) was when they bid me goodbye when I left earlier at the PETA reception. Sigh.

Now is the time to have those optimistic fortunes told. Methinks I'll have mine tomorrow.

Genta Ogawa (baby Yamato) dons victory sign. Classic Japanese camera pose  

Final bow for the Yamato.  

This guy is good with the drums. And did I mention his arms! 

During the PETA hosted reception for Yamato after their performance. 

During the infamous Marikina Riverbanks show 

Cute kid is the baby of the head Yamato.  

Look at the arm muscles!!!  

Yamato is introduced to PETA 

Me and my British Council-Philippines friends at the opening of the Yamato concert at the CCP last January 11. 

This is what I have been up to the first days of the year... I attended a Noh and Hudhud (traditional Filipino oral literature) colloquium at the UP-Diliman. 

Japanese Groupie

I have come to terms with the tasks that accompany my occupation. As I am token representative to our organization's events; shock absorber and sounding board, I have jokingly referred to myself as a yaya, nanny of the Japanese / Filipino artists we bring to the Philippines/ Japan.

From now on, I will empower myself and no longer be yaya (although no offense to all the yayas and nannies everywhere...) instead, I will be identified thus, a groupie.

The first days of this year, we were host to a Japanese drum group called the Yamato. They heralded the opening of Philippines-Japan Friendship Year with performances at the CCP (January 11), PETA Theater Center (Jan 12) and Marikina Riverbanks (Jan 13).

It was an exciting and successful project with lots of interesting side stories. Like the awesome arms of the drummers (both male and female... but who am i joking? am not looking at the females! hehehe); the shopping stint at the Greenhills 'fake market'; and the indoor disappointment at the Riverbanks.

Too bad I am on my way home... Tsk tsk tsk.

More tomorrow :)

Happy New Year!

In a jiffy, the new year's here again.

Everything's in a whirl in the office these past few days of 2006, that's why it tookme this long to greet the incoming year. Whew!

There have been a lot of things going on the last days of 2005 up til today that it would be a pity if I would not be able to document all these. But things as they are are crazy so... let me just say... ja mata! whenever that is ;)